Just a Little More... 

Have you ever experienced a situation where you are so drop dead tired, that you can barely even muster the strength to stand? Well I have. My week was a really busy one and by Friday, I was exhausted. I had given up. I had an important test the next day and I did not want to study, I could not. In short I gave. I know, this is a very small incident about a kid who did not flunk an important exam. But the truth is, it is a lot more than just that. 

At about 10.45 at night I got up from bed. I don't know why I did so. But I did  it anyways. I went and made coffee, slapped myself awake and said to myself 'I have had enough'. I don't want to be a failure again. I have made that mistake of giving up too soon too many times in my life to have regrets that will last long enough. It was at that point, that I felt and it was at that point that I decided, that, maybe I can do it. I am tired of course. I am frustrated with the fact that I don't get to sleep enough but then at the same time, that is the kind of life I have chosen for myself. I chose to work hard and it's time I realize that and stop complaining. It's very easy to complain about things but this is where I stop doing something easy. 

So, I drank the coffee and started studying. my body hurt, but every time I felt like I won't be able to make it, I would drag myself a little and say "Just a little more, almost there..." and I would continue. I did it again and again and again till 3 am in the morning, That's when I finished studying. I got up and went to sleep. The three hours that I slept were the best kind of sleep, the satisfied kind of sleep that makes you feel that you are worth it. 

My test went really well and that made me really happy. This is one of the many small things that make me happy, The moment you don't give up, the moment you fight yourself you don't feel like yourself anymore. In a good way of course. You feel like someone who is stronger, someone who has evolved, someone who did not give up when you could have. That feeling...is so rare and rare things are so beautiful. Rare things make me happy and I want to keep doing it.

I won't give up. Not anymore. Not again.